The Duke's Bed Warmer

Chapter 189: Who Am I?

"Tell me they’re lying."

No one answered. The king kept staring at the table, unable to meet her gaze while Crane stood frozen, his usual confident expression gone.

This painful silence was the only answer Audrey needed. This was real. And everything she had believed about herself from the day she was born was a lie.

She looked at the king again, the man she had called Father her entire life.

"How long? How long have you known the truth?" she asked.

"Since the moment your mother became pregnant with you," he replied.

Audrey felt the ground disappear under her feet.

"Since the mother was pregnant?" she whispered.

The king nodded. She gasped softly as her one hand flew to her chest.

"All this time? Every birthday, every lesson, every time you called me your daughter... everything was a lie?"

Anger began to simmer inside her as she walked towards him.

"Who else knew? The entire court? Were they all laughing behind my back while I played the perfect princess? Does everyone know about this except for me?"

"No," the king replied. "Apart from me, only your mother and Chancellor Crane knew."

"Why didn’t you tell me?" she demanded. "Why let me live in this dream for so long? Why make me believe I was something I was never meant to be? Was I just a convenient lie to protect your throne?"

The king had no answer.

"I don’t even know who I am anymore!"

For the first time in her life, she felt like a stranger in her own palace. The man she had trusted the most had hidden the biggest truth of her life from her.

Then she turned towards Chancellor Crane. She had known him as a powerful man who was her father’s advisor. But now he stood before her as her real father.

Crane took a hesitant step towards her trying to hold her hand. But she immediately stepped back, her eyes filled with fear and disgust.

"Audrey... everything I did...I did for you," Crane said. "Every difficult choice I made was to protect you and give you the future you deserve."

Audrey stared at him in disbelief.

"For me?" she repeated. "You hunted innocent people. You sent men to kill Austin and Alina. God knows, how many people died because of your plans. And you say it was for me?"

"I was protecting your future," Crane replied instantly. "I wanted you to be safe, powerful and happy. You deserve the world."

"I NEVER ASKED YOU TO!" she shouted, her voice echoing through the chamber. "I never asked you to hurt people or destroy their lives in my name! You too hid the truth from me. How could you think this was love?"

Crane was stunned. Her words had wounded him more than any sword could.

Then a realization began to dawn on her as Crane’s words sounded surprisingly familiar. She had spoken like this many a time before herself.

She had convinced herself that she was fighting for love, and Austin could only marry her. The realization started creeping in slowly.

Audrey turned and looked at Austin and Alina. They stood side by side, holding each other’s hand. They were still choosing each other despite all the danger.

She remembered how Austin had been always honest with her about his feelings. He had never promised her love, yet, she had kept pushing, hoping, and refusing to see the truth.

Just like Crane had done so many terrible things just because he claimed to love her. The similarity hit her hard. She suddenly felt ashamed of herself.

"You kept saying you were doing it all for me," she said, looking at Crane. "But you never once asked what I actually wanted."

Crane froze.

"Audrey...you’re not in the right state to think properly," he said

"And I did the same thing," she continued, ignoring his words. "I kept telling myself I loved Austin."

She turned to look at Austin briefly.

"But I never asked what he wanted," she laughed bitterly. "I kept trying to force a wedding that only existed in my head. Maybe because I was your daughter."

Crane flinched. But still no one spoke.

"The king is not my father," Audrey whispered. "The princess everyone admired and respected was never real. The future queen I dreamed of becoming was never real," she wrapped her arms around herself, shaking.

She looked at everyone again and noticed everyone looking at her differently.

The king looked guilty. Crane looked desperate. Austin looked uncomfortable and Alina looked sympathetic.

"I spent my whole life trying to become the perfect princess," she whispered. "I learned etiquettes, politics, diplomacy."

A broken laugh tugged at her lips.

"I even learned how to smile when I wanted to cry. And what was the point?"

She turned towards the king again.

"Did you ever love me?" she asked.

"Of course I did," the king replied after a second.

"It’s your hesitation that gave me the right answer."

The king’s face crumpled.

"Audrey..."

"No," she cut him off, shaking her head. "Not now."

She looked towards Crane again, and realized she had spent her whole life according to others.

All her life people around her had been deciding things for her. The king had decided the truth should remain hidden. Crane had decided what future would make her happy. The court had decided who she should become. Even she had decided what Austin’s future should look like.

The thought made her more exhausted and angry.

"I don’t know who I am...maybe because I’ve spent my entire life trying to become what everyone else wanted me to be."

She looked around and her eyes stopped at Alina. She stared at her for a while. Alina frowned but didn’t say anything. Then Audrey let out a hollow laugh.

"All these months, everyone looked down on you. They called you a nobody and so many vile names...but you actually turned out to be the true princess."

She laughed.

"And I..." her voice cracked. "Who spent her entire life believing I was a princess was an illegitimate child."