Crows x Souls

Chapter 269 – Forlon Thoughts

"At that time I was consumed by a single insecurity. From the start, I had little talent with a sword. My Kidō grades were good when I was in the Shin'ō Academy, but even that was average among the Gotei divisions. Was it really alright for me to be here? Where does my heart lie? Why am I here in the Gotei Divisions?” — Rukia Kuchiki. 

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Sometimes it was hard to imagine how time quickly passes when you stop noticing it, and when you finally do, all you can do is be stupefied at how much the circumstances around you had changed and how you have changed with it — that what a feeling Rukia was slowly getting used to these days. 

It was only a couple of years back that she was rooted up from the Rukongai and adopted into nobility, a handful of years that was an insignificant amount to souls and yet those years were the impetus of her greatest change. 

She was the sister of the wife of the Kuchiki patriarch and was also the surrogate younger sister of the Kuchiki Clan Head, and currently a Shinigami student at the Shin’ō Academy. 

She was one of the top Kidō users of her class, with a fairly powerful Zanpakutō and an all-rounder in Zankensoki. Every aspect of her current life was an unachievable dream for someone else… and yet she felt it wasn’t enough. To her, it was all shallow. 

There was this constant feeling of inadequacy whenever she did something and was praised for it. To her credit, she knew that the reason she felt this way was because of her constantly comparing herself to her elder brother, Byakuya Kuchiki, and to a lesser degree her Ethics instructor, Captain Uchiha. 

Even with all her feelings of crippling inadequacy, she felt she would be doing a greater disservice to herself if she used anyone lesser than her elder brother as a benchmark for her growth. 

Her sentiments were mirrored by Renji who had, for some reason, taken her elder brother as his role model. He even said that no matter what Division he ended up in after graduation, he would strive to make sure that he transferred to the 6th Division as nothing less than a Seated Officer. His aspirations were so raw that she couldn’t even doubt him, compared to how hollow and fake she felt. 

What even were her aspirations? 

To be a strong enough Shinigami and have her elder brother’s acknowledgement? She didn’t need anyone to tell her how… dead her aspirations were, if it could even be called that. 

With every progress she made, Rukia Kuchiki felt even more lost. And now that she was currently in her fifth year, a year away from her graduation, she felt like a starving husk. 

In short, Rukia Kuchiki hated herself. 

“Wow, you’ve got some good skills there, little miss.” A voice complimented her after she put an end to a weak Hollow and performed Konsō on the Plus it was terrorizing. 

“Ah, thank you.” She replied with an embarrassed fluster even as her stomach twisted in a knot. “It was nothing really.”

“Aww, and so modest too. You’re too cute, Rukia.” Their supervisor for this exercise, Rangiku Matsumoto, the 10th Division’s Lieutenant, cooed as she threw her hands over Rukia’s shoulders and pulled her into… those things. 

“L-Lieutenant Matsumoto!” Rukia let out a scandalized shriek as she tried to pull herself away from the overly touchy Lieutenant. 

Her oppressor laughed at her and released her with an all too amused grin on her face as she did so. 

“Mah mah, you have such delightful reactions, Rukia.” 

“I’ll go see if anyone needs help.” She ratted out as she spun on her heels and beat a hasty retreat. 

“300 meters to your left. They might not even need the help. The rest of your group are doing fine.”

Her long leap flowed into a Shunpo and a very familiar voice whispered in the back of her mind about how poor her Shunpo must’ve looked to Lieutenant Matsumoto. 

She ignored it and pushed it back, something she had grown used to doing with how frequently she had been doing it for years now, and arrived at the pair who hardly needed any help as they performed their last Konsō on the last Plus in the area. 

They were all fifth year students and this was their second purification exercise in the World of the Living so the Hollows were on the weaker end so none of them had any problems with putting them down on their own. Even though the Hollows were weak, the exercise’s main goal was for them to establish a foundation and also bolster up their confidence. 

“Oh, you guys are through too? Looks like we’re breezing through this like the last one.” Renji and a few others arrived a few seconds later. 

“Only because these ones are the weakest. The Academy won’t even send us to fight a Demi-Hollow, so don’t start getting overconfident, Renji.” Her chastisement was a cold factual reminder that Renji couldn’t manage a retort and could only scratch his head awkwardly. 

“Yeah, you’re right.” He said sheepishly. 

Once again she felt that hateful feeling of inadequacy as she looked at Renji. The only thing she had an edge over him in was Kidō, and maybe Hohō, despite her being trained by instructors in her Clan. 

She could barely eke out a win whenever they sparred and she could tell that even that gap was closing fast. Ironically enough, Renji was the only one who failed to see that he was her equal in practically everything that had to do with being a Shinigami. 

“Okay kids, gather round.” Lieutenant Matsumoto clapped to get their attention. “Sweet job everyone. Now let’s get you pups back to your homes.”

A flair of some type of Reiatsu that Rukia could hardly make sense of heralded the Senkaimon opening. 

“Whew!” Renji let out an exaggerated exhale. “I can finally breathe well. I don’t know about y’all but that place felt stuffy as hell.”

She rolled her eyes but said nothing even as some of her classmates agreed with Renji. The only thing she felt over there was the sparse Reishi in the atmosphere, not the supposed asphyxiation some of them were clamoring about. 

They trailed behind Lieutenant Matsumoto as they returned to the Academy, muttering between themselves on their latest experience. 

“Yo Rukia,” Renji’s shoulder bump broke whatever train of thought her mind had boarded, “you okay? You’ve been spaced out since we came back.”

She waved her hand nonchalantly. “I’m fine. Don’t worry, I’m just thinking about some things.”

“Oh. I’ll leave it to you then.” He said, accepting her words at face value. “Just try not to overthink everything. Your head is not that big so you might get brain damage, who knows?”

He flitted to the front of the group before she could react to the latter part of his sentence. 

“I’ll get you back, baboon head.” She muttered through gritted teeth. 

“Welcome back, students. Your assessment is being reviewed. You can go back to your classes for now.” 

Even Rukia groaned when the instructor reminded them that school was still on and they still had boring classes after the exciting exercise they just returned from. 

“I should tell you that Captain Uchiha has finally returned to teaching. He’s currently in his office if any of you want to talk to him.”

“Well, that’s my cue.” Lieutenant Matsumoto said and left in a display of Shunpo that would have left Rukia mesmerized had she been paying attention. 

There were mixed reactions to the news of the return of Captain Uchiha. Some mourned the loss of the free periods, some grumbled as the pressure on them instantly doubled, some of the girls squealed happily, while some let out soft sighs of relief. 

The whispers increased as everyone started gossiping about his return after his long unannounced sabbatical. 

They had all heard different rumors about what was happening in the Seireitei outside the walls of the Academy. None of them knew anything specific but what they knew was that a lot of people died and Captain Uchiha and some of the other Captains were involved. 

Rukia however, due to her unique position, knew a lot more about what had happened. Her Kuchiki Clan was one of those that were marked by crows. 

It was also the first time that she saw her elder brother look truly murderous as he stared down the reason for why the crows had gathered. 

One of her instructors was among those that were harboring plans for a coup. 

The memory of that day was still vivid in her head. How could it not be? A large number of crows flew around the Kuchiki Estate for the whole day. 

She had remained in her room for the whole day as ordered by her elder brother so she never saw Captain Uchiha but she knew for certain that he came that day. 

The air around the Main Compound trembled heavily as her elder brother’s Reiatsu fell upon it like a wave. She felt other raging Reiatsus along with Byakuya’s, like that of her grandfather’s and some elders, but she never for once felt Captain Uchiha’s Reiatsu, even though she knew he was likely there with them. 

She shook her head as she walked towards her class with her head preoccupied with new thoughts. 

She decided she would visit him later because she had a question she needed to ask, one she lacked the courage to ask her elder brother, and he was the only other person she could ask because of his similar position with Byakuya Kuchiki. 

She decided to do it later because she knew that a lot of students would be visiting his office for various reasons. He was something of a general advisor to most of the students because of his willingness to listen to anything they had to say. 

He was serious, detached, blunt, strict and open — somehow the student body, year after year, took that as the evidence of him being the most trustworthy and liked instructor. 

She chuckled softly because she found nothing wrong with it. 

‘It is easier to trust a shadow with your secrets.’ Her elder brother had once said when he told her that she could talk to him if she had anything that was bothering her that she couldn’t tell anyone else. She had asked why and that had been his reply. It took her a year before she understood what he meant by calling her instructor a shadow. 

“Oi, Rukia.” A hand flicked her forehead, once again abruptly cutting off her thoughts. “Stop thinking too much. It’s starting to become worrying.”

She wanted to sideline his concern again but she didn’t do that, instead her eyes twitched angrily.

“That’s it, you buffoon! I’ll show you who has a small brain!” Her overthinking and self-loathing could come later. What she needed to do now was to put a certain animal in its cage. 

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